


I've Dreamt Up a Nightmare To Live

by Writing_for_your_entertainment



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Josh Isn't a Wendigo, Josh Lives!, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Okay They Aren't Happy, Our Protagonists Are One Big Happy Polyamorous Family, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Spoilers, Supernatural Creatures Involved, This is the most tags I've ever put on something I've written, WARNING: Contains Smut, plot divergence, set after the game ends, there used to be a tag called "psychological healing" but that's not really happening soooooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:58:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5746834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_for_your_entertainment/pseuds/Writing_for_your_entertainment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the event's on the Washington's mountain; Mike, Sam, Josh, and Ashley are the only survivors. So they move in with each other and form a mentally ill, but very loving family to deal with the trauma. They've gotten used to a certain lifestyle, but then they get news that changes everything for them. Again. <br/>Josh deals with losing his best friend and the love of his life, Chris. But this new change could either destroy him or change everything for the better. Our protagonists must choose, do they go back to place that ruined their lives, or will they willfully ignore the terrors of the world to deal with the terrors of their psyche?<br/>Will they heal? Or will they give in to their demons?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Dine or Not

                The look that Joshua Washington gave his lover was purely animalistic. He didn’t want to be pleasured, and he didn’t want to pleasure his lover. He wanted to consume him, his entirety, all he had to give. He crawled up the blonde’s body, keeping eye contact as he bit his lip. The blonde nearly squirmed; his skin was flushed, his hard on betrayed any sense of restraint that the blonde was pretending to have.

                Josh paused at the blonde’s waist, licking from his thigh all the way to this hipbone. The blonde let out a shaky gasp as Josh took his hipbone between his teeth. It made Josh smile.

                “I could tease you forever, or I could eat you.”

                The blonde didn’t respond, he just looked down at Josh, his blue eyes full blown with lust.

                And then Josh woke up.

                He sat up straight and looked around his room.

                It had been a year since he’d last seen Chris.

~~~~~~~~

                Josh walked out into the living room of the house he shared with Mike, Sam, and Ashley. Sam and Ashley were snuggling on the couch in big sweatshirts that were probably Mike’s. Josh scratched his head as he blinked tiredly at the two girls.

                “Morning Josh,” Sam said cheerfully, “Did you sleep?”

                In other houses, a common morning question is “Sleep well?” or “Did you get a good night’s sleep?” In their house though, the question was, “Did you sleep?” Rarely was the answer yes for Josh, but this morning he nodded with a frown.

                Ashley smiled sympathetically from where she was tucked into Sam’s side, dressed in Mike’s sweatshirt, and covered in two blankets, with a beanie on her head. She knew that sleeping wasn’t a pleasant thing for Joshua, and would often give a valiant effort to keep him awake to escape the dreams.

                Sam moved Ash from her side, folding another blanket around the always freezing girl.

                “Where’s Mike?” Josh mumbled, rubbing his face tiredly. He looked around for the bigger man, despite sensing that he wasn’t here. Josh tugged on the bottom of his sleep shirt with a yawn.

                “He’s out jogging,” Samantha answered as she grabbed the disorientated Josh’s arm and led him to the kitchen. She leaned him against the counter and started making him his coffee, “Don’t worry, he took a gun and a knife with him.”

                Josh hummed in response blinking tiredly back into the living room where Ashley was shaking from the cold. Not that it was cold in their house. It was consistently 75 degrees when someone was home with Ashley; Ashley keeps it at 80 something when no one is home.

                Ashley suffered from a psychological and emotional scarring that made her feel like she was still out in the mountains, in the snow, in only a thin jacket. She couldn’t help it, and therapy wasn’t much helping either. So she kept under as many layers whenever she could and spent most of her days either in bed or on one of the chairs.

                Mike suffered from PTSD, insomnia, and paranoia, but was, in general, one of the most functional of the four. Sam was the other most functional, but suffered from crippling depression, a bit of PTSD, trauma caused OCD coping mechanisms, and emotional trauma. Ashley, as well as the psychological and emotional trauma, suffered from panic attacks, crippling social anxiety, health problems, PTSD, and extreme paranoia.

                And then there was Josh. Joshua suffered the worst. On top of his previous psychopathic, ADHD, ADD, and bi-polar tendencies, he suffered from worsening PTSD and paranoia, mania attacks, emotional trauma, and extreme insomnia. But he still found ways to function at least enough to go do things if Sam or Mike were with him.

                “Josh? Hey Josh,” Sam’s voice called him from his thoughts. He looked up at her as she handed him his coffee, “Your parents called just before you woke up.” Josh looked away and hummed in response. She didn’t reply to him, electing to force him into saying something.

                “Fine….” He sighed, “What did they want?”

                “They wanted to take you out to dinner,” She said, moving away from him to the fridge. Josh took a disinterested sip of his coffee. Sam sighed from behind the fridge door.

                “Josh, they’re your parents,” she pleaded from behind the door. She started setting out the ingredients for omelets. Josh took another sip of his coffee.

                “They said only me, right?” he asked passively, he didn’t even wait for her to affirm his assumption, “Then no.”

                “Josh?” Ash called from the living room, looking over the back of the couch, “Can you come snuggle with me while Sam makes breakfast?” Josh nodded and started back into the living room slowly.

                “Please think about it Josh,” Sam said softly from behind him. Josh didn’t reply as he walked into the living room. Moving around the couch he blinked down at Ashley, offering her one of his rare, un-fished-for, smiles. She smiled up at him sweetly, opening up her blankets to him.

                When Mike got home from his jog, omelets were almost finished and Josh and Ashley were whispering whilst inside of a bundle of blankets. He beamed at Josh.

                “Sleep?” he asked, as he pulled a hand gun out of his waistband. Josh nodded with a small smile. Mike beamed even brighter. “What are you two chatty about?” He pulled a small knife out of his boots and put it on the coffee table.

                “Josh’s parents want to have dinner with just him,” Ashley offered from her perch in Josh’s lap, tucked into every nook and cranny of warmth she could find. The two of them were completely wrapped in a quilt and Mike could see two different fleece blankets peeking out from underneath. His smile faltered at Ashley’s statement.

                He studied Josh’s face for a clue to the other man’s thought’s. “Well… parents have a tendency to want ridiculous things like that.”

                “Would you two stop encouraging him in this?” Sam called, appearing in the living room doorway from the kitchen, “They’ve been respecting his distance for 5 months now, which is how long they’ve been asking to see _just_ their son. The _only_ child they have left!”

                “Josh isn’t comfortable being somewhere by himself yet,” Mike turned to face her, taking off his sweaty shirt, “They need to respect that he’s still not psychologically or emotionally ready to face being the only child left for them to love.”

                Josh smiled at Mike, who always understood what he was going through. Sam sighed, she understood too, but she felt like she needed to take his parents side on this.

                “Fine, but he should at least call them himself,” she gave in, since everybody was obviously against her. Ashley cuddled Josh harder and Mike squeezed his shoulder.

                “I’ll be with you while you do it okay?” Mike promised. Josh took a deep breath and nodded.

                “Thanks,” he mumbled. Mike smiled down at him and kissed both his and Ashley’s foreheads. Ashley sighed happily, laying her head against Josh’s shoulder and whispering that she was a bit disappointed, since it was her turn to go out to dinner with his parents and him.

                “Hey Sam, do I have enough time to shower before omelets are done?” Mike called, walking back towards the kitchen a bit.

                “Not really, but I can put them in the oven to keep them warm. I’d rather you be clean,” Sam answered from the door way.

                It was a very domestic life that the four lived. In relation to a family lifestyle, Mike would be the patriarch of the family, Sam would be the matriarch, and Josh and Ashley would be the dependents. But each considered the others to be of equal importance in their little family, and there was no exclusive relationship amongst them.

                Together they were strong. Working together, they were human. In company with each other, they were whole.

                Each relied on one as they relied on the others. They all needed each other to live. To survive. No one kept something secret from the others.

                Not even Josh’s dreams about Chris, which was the breakfast conversation that day. Josh and Ashely had long since gotten over the drama over Chris and Ashley was the most sympathetic to Josh’s reoccurring dreams. It helped Josh to talk it out. It helped them all to know they were being relied on.

                Later that day, Josh called his parents whilst holding Mike’s hand and breathing deeply. They convinced him to come to their new house with everyone. Not much caring as long as they got to see their son. They had something that they urgently needed to talk to him in person about.

                It was agreed.

                After the phone call, Mike held Josh as Josh fought back a panic attack.


	2. Dinner

                Mike stood in front of him in the bedroom mirror, fixing his own tie. Josh tugged once more on his shirt cuffs and bit his lip, staring off into space into the mirror. Mike took notice of this through the mirror and turned around to face him.

                “Hey,” he said quietly, as to not startle Josh out of his daydreaming, just get his attention. Josh, still staring into space a little bit, tilted his face towards Mike’s in recognition. “Are you feeling okay?” Josh finally drew his gaze from the mirror up to Mike’s eyes.

                “I don’t know,” he said blandly. His medication was making him rather unresponsive today. Mike put a hand on his shoulder.

                “So it’s a half-hour drive from here to your parents’ new house,” Mike said with an acknowledging nod. “I think Sam wants to drive.” Josh nodded, turning to the dresser for a pair of socks.

                “She likes driving,” Josh said softly. That was the thing that separated Mike from the rest of his new family, Mike understood that Josh’s unresponsiveness was okay, and didn’t press him for anything that he could get from the other two. Josh appreciated not being forced into a response.

                “Did you take your meds for this evening?” Mike asked from across the room, grabbing both of theirs shoes. Josh nodded, knowing that Mike probably looked up at him for an answer instead of expecting a verbal one. “Good, Sam will probably ask later, but I’ll let her know.”

                “Thanks,” Josh said quietly. He wasn’t feeling good about visiting his parents. Everybody always made a big deal about anything with his parents and he didn’t like that. Sam was going to wear a dress and was making him and Mike dress up too. Ashley was wearing some sort of a really thick sweater-dress over thick leggings and probably long sleeves. That was as many layers as Sam would let her get away with.

                He looked over just in time to see Mike put a hand gun in this waistband. He made a noise to Mike who looked up. “You’re not getting a gun,” was Mike’s response. But then the bigger man stood and handed him a knife, pointing at him with it first, “If we’re not getting attacked, this doesn’t get brought out okay?”

                Josh nodded as he took the knife from Mike.

                Sam opened the door, looking in at the two of them, “Ready to go?” Josh looked down at his watch silently, they didn’t have to be there till seven, and it was six. “Yes, I know that its early, I need to stop by the store first.”

                Josh knew how Sam shopped, it wasn’t enough time to take up a half an hour. From glancing at Mike, the other man knew it too.

                “Almost,” Mike said with a charming smile, “But I’m not quite done preening, you know?”

                “Don’t be such a girl Michael,” Sam smirked, leaving the room but leaving the door open, “Ash and I are both ready.” Mike rolled his eyes to Josh who was nearly amused as he hid the knife.

\-------

                Josh’s parents were as loving and pampering as usual. “How was your day?” “Are you all sleeping well?” “Do you want anything?” “A glass of water Michael?” “Coffee Samantha?” “Another blanket Ashley sweetheart?” “We had your favorite made for dinner Joshua.”

                Sam’s adoration for Josh’s parents hadn’t lessened any with their sons growing apathy, and Ashley found them just as doting now as the last time she had dinner in one of their homes. Only Mike and Josh had any problems with the dinner.

                Josh was constantly on the edge of a panic attack, and Mike could tell. It seemed almost as if no one noticed how edgy Josh was; the constant shifting in his seat and glazed over eyes were all tell-tale signs for Mike. When he realized that no one else could see it, Mike’s evening was practically ruined. Even Sam showed no sign of noticing Josh’s distress.

                The worst of it came after dinner, when Josh’s parents sat them down in their brand new sitting room to chat. Josh was nearly at the end of his rope and Mike was anticipating having to take Josh away for air at any moment. And that’s when Josh’s parents decided it was time to bring up the mountain.

                “So, about the reason we wanted to have dinner with you,” his mother said gently.

                “It’s about the mountain,” his father supplied.

                The four of them froze and Mike watched Josh starting to shut down.

                “We got a call from the police,” his mother said slowly, “and they seem to believe that there may still be some survivors up there.”

                The bomb was dropped. Josh ceased breathing altogether. Mike was moving as soon as Josh went two seconds without a breath.

                “Give us a moment,” he excused himself and Josh from the rest of the group, pulling Josh up and into the hallway. He made Josh face him. “Breathe Josh,” he said quietly. Josh shook his head, getting a nearly wild look in his eyes, “Josh, breathe buddy, please.”

                Josh stared at him and finally let air inter his lungs, then quickly expelled it and inhaled again. Soon he was hyperventilating and staring off into space. Mike held his shoulders and took deep slow breaths against Josh’s quick ones. He forced Josh’s eyes to his chest as he kept up the deep breathing.

                Slowly, Josh’s breathing came naturally to match Mike’s.

                It was a full seven minutes before Josh was responsive and calm enough to reenter the sitting room. His parents were confused and Sam looked somber, having finally understood what was wrong with Josh the whole evening. Ashley looked apologetic from where she was curled into the tiniest of balls.

                “Survivors,” Josh finally spoke, “Why do they think that?”

                “Some hikers saw fire from the next mountain over. They notified the rangers who went up and found the remains of a blue letter jacket,” Josh’s mom spoke softly. Josh looked at Mike immediately.

                “Matt’s,” Mike mumbled.

                “Yes, and they found other evidence of someone living up there. Food cans in a shack that otherwise looked empty. Fire pits. And scorch marks on trees for some reason,” Josh’s dad added. Mike made eye contact with each member and pinched his lips together.

                “Did they find anyone?” Ashley spoke up softly, hesitantly.

                “No,” Josh’s mom said with a disappointed face, “But they’re going back over the mountain anyway. Looking again.”

                They discussed the mountain for a bit longer until Mike announced it was time to leave. They all said their good byes, promised to come again sometime, and left.

                Later, Josh looked at Mike uneasily and Mike nodded.

                They were going to go back to the mountain. The two of them.

 


	3. Ladylike Screaming

                Mike and Josh decided to wait a little while before tricking the girls to go away for the weekend. It wasn’t that hard. All it took was Josh mentioning to his parents that Ashley needed to get out of the house, to somewhere warm, before his parents offered to take the two girls, in a private plane, to Hawaii. Sam was concerned of course, but Josh was able to convince her that he and Mike would be fine at home by themselves and that Ashley (who was _thrilled_ at the idea of going to Hawaii) really needed this. Mike did his own job of convince Ashley to help them convince Sam.

                In the end, Sam didn’t stand a chance.

                The day came for the girls’ departure and Ashley wasn’t just shaking from the cold anymore, she was excited. Sam was low key excited as well, but was also busy making sure that the boys would be able to take care of themselves, like the mother hen she’d become. Josh and Mike gave the girls goodbye hugs and kisses when Josh’s parents came to pick them up, and then they were gone.

                And Mike started packing.

                Josh was surprisingly calm for what they were doing and where they were going. As he helped Mike pack clothes, coats, fire starting kits, and weapons, Josh seemed almost sure of himself. He packed extra food as Mike set up the personalized messaging system that he and Sam agreed to use a long time ago.

                It was only a few hours before Mike was driving them towards the America/Canada border. It would be a five hour drive to the Blackwood Mountains.

                Mike played through his favorite Lincoln Durham CD and held Josh’s hand on the dashboard as he drove. Josh would join in at his favorite parts of the songs, since he’d memorized most of the CD, it being Mike’s favorite. Mike sang beside him, making their trip as fun as he could.

                Josh started feeling nervous after Mike had made it through the Lincoln Durham CD, a Hozier CD, and Josh’s favorite mix tape. They were over an hour through their trip and Josh was starting to imagine what he’d find on the mountain. Would Chris still be alive? Matt? Jess even? Or would he only find more disaster and death?  
                Josh took to staring at Mike instead of out the window. Mike put in another CD (he’d brought all of the ones he owned and some of Josh’s old ones) and smiled at Josh while at a stop light.

                They didn’t talk much during their car ride, enough that there could be comfortable silences in between, and they actually made it to the city closest to the mountain in under five hours.

                Mike booked a hotel room and they prepared for their excursion that evening.

                *******

                “Samantha, do you need to check on them already?” Josh’s father asked when Sam got out her phone as they were re-fueling in California. Sam smiled at him.

                “I just wanted to tell them that we were refueling before actually heading to Hawaii,” she said as she found the contact for the house. Mr. Washington rolled his eyes and turned back to doting on Ashley.

                Sam let the phone ring. And ring. And ring. Until she got the answering machine.

                _“Hi, thanks for calling the Washington Munroe residence, no one can come to the phone right now as we’re probably off playing poker or going grocery shopping. Please leave a message with your name and number unless you’re 100 percent certain that we have yours already. Have a nice day!”_ Mike’s voice greeted her as the machine recording. She heard the code in there for how she should contact him otherwise. Washington Munroe = Hi Sam or Ash; playing poker= don’t call my cell; going grocery shopping= we’re doing something good for Josh; 100 percent= we’re armed and safe; yours= I’ll call you eventually; have a nice day= text me if you need something but don’t worry.

                Of course those two were off doing something. Sam rolled her eyes and texted Mike the update before returning back to Ashley. Of course she was worried, but this was her vacation and Mike could handle it. It wasn’t like they were doing something stupid.

                ******

                Josh was heavily armed and had more supplies in his duffle bag for both battle and taking care of injuries. Mike was dressed in hiking clothes, like Josh, and had even more weapons on his person. Josh looked at Mike’s two, halved fingers as Mike fumbled with some of the straps for his bags.

                “Let me help,” Josh finally spoke up. Mike’s conflicted eyes turned to him. Mike’s fingers had always been a tough thing for him to accept not having anymore, but he’d handled it and most of the time had no problem. But Mike’s hands were shaking which made it hard to use three full and two half-fingers for much.

                Mike nodded and Josh finished the strapping for him, his hands also shaking a lot, but at least he had all his fingers. Mike hugged Josh from behind, and kissed his shoulder. Josh bit his lips, a fear, excitement, and unsureness tumbling around in the pit of his stomach.

                “We can do this,” Mike mumbled, somehow knowing, again, Josh’s emotions. Josh nodded at him and handed him the bags that he’d finished.

                They took a cab to a walking trail near the mountain, not wanting to leave their car there, and then hiked to the road leading towards the cable station trail. They held hands as they walked up and Josh was on the verge of a panic attack, but was forcibly keeping it to himself and quelling it. He needed to do this and if he had a panic attack now, Mike would take him back to the hotel.

                So they walked, and hiked, all the way up to the cable car station, which the police had gotten working for easier access to the mountain. Then they took the cable car up the mountain.

                It was late evening and cold and it reminded Josh of the last time he rode up this cable. Mike squeezed his hand and hummed calmingly.

                When they finally made it to the top it was getting dark. They immediately set out for the remains of the Washington place, hoping to either find someone there or to be able to make camp in the basement tunnels if they could, they knew that the search parties had already cleared those areas out so they were accessible and safe enough.

                They had just made it in sight of the burnt remains of the house when Josh felt everything crash around him. He stopped and started shaking, his past actions on this mountain pressing against his mind. Mike turned dropped his bags and pulled Josh into a hug.

                “Are you okay?” Mike murmured into his ear. Josh shook his head into Mike’s neck as Mike rubbed his back with his thumb. Mike’s other hand came up to massage the back of Josh’s neck and he hummed a steady rhythm for Josh to calm down to.

                “What did I do?” Josh moaned, “It’s all my fault.”

                “No.” was all Mike replied. He squeezed Josh tightly before pulling back enough to lean his forehead on Josh’s. “Breath with me,” Mike mumbled. Josh obeyed, paying attention to Mike’s steady breath’s until his matched Mike’s. “It’s hard for me too,” Mike whispered, “so I know it must be absolute fucking hell for you. But we’ve got to do this, if not for your healing, for closure, or for possibly saving our friends, then for the girls and for knowing. It’s gonna fucking suck, and I’m feeling panicky, so I’m sure it’s so much worse for you, but I believe that you can do this. Okay?”

                “Yeah,” Josh whispered back in reply, finally moving his head back to nod at Mike.

                “Remember, I don’t blame you anymore and I love you okay?” Mike looked at Josh expectantly, pulling him to where Mike had dropped his bags.

                “I don’t blame you either and I love you back,” recited Josh. He and Mike always said that when either of them were having a bad day or was blaming himself. Mike picked up his bags with his free hand and pulled Josh along, holding his hand.

                In the woods, two pairs of eyes attached to two minds considered what they just observed. Then the two pairs of eyes and the rest of their attached bodies followed the two young men as they walked to the old Washington House.

                Mike and Josh slowly made their way to the opening to the basement that was left, Josh talking about how the basement was designed to be a safe place in case of fire or avalanches.

                “See, the doors are really heavy and they look like they would burn up with the fire, but actually they’re fire doors incased with wood on either side. And around the entrance to the basement looks like it would be wood but it’s actually fireproof as well,” Josh explained as they made their way through the rubble, “Not only that, but the main part of the basement is a completely separate building to the house, sure it houses the water and electrical units for the lodge, but it’s also got its own separate set of electrical wiring and back up water and heating systems that can be run by generator. And you can escape through the tunnels to the Sanitorium if you’re trapped down there and the upstairs door won’t open. But that does mean that that’s one more potential access point for Wendigoes.” Josh finished talking as they got to a raised cement and metal box and door in the rubble.

                “This would be it then?” Mike asked softly. Josh nodded, eyes not leaving the door, “Okay,” Mike took a deep breath. “You have your weapons ready? We’ll get the door open and I’ll go down first. Be ready to close the door if I have to run back up because a Wendigo is down there. And if I tell you to, close the door while I’m down there, okay?” Josh frowned but nodded.

                Mike tried the door a little bit to make sure it would open before dropping the bags and grabbing his hand guns and making sure that his knives were within good reach range, he put a head lamp on his head and turned it on. Josh had a gun in one hand and grabbed the door handle with the other one. Mike positioned himself and nodded to Josh, who pulled open the door.

                Josh came around the front of the door as Mike descended the stairs, gun ready.

                Mike walked down slowly guns extended in front of him, looking around with the head lamp. There was nothing on the first landing or the ceiling or walls. He made his way to the wall of the first landing, stopping before stepping down onto it. He looked around the corner, gun ready and aimed.

                “Anything?” Josh asked quietly.

                “Not yet,” Mike called back softly. He looked around as he continued down the stairs, “C’mon down, put our stuff just inside the door, by the wall, but don’t close the door all the way.”

                Josh was soon by his side, his own headlamp on. They worked their way down through the basement, investigating literally everywhere. Slowly, painfully, they worked their way through the basement, checking every corner until they made their way to the door leading to the Sanitorium.

                “Okay, the door is closed. That’s good,” Mike relaxed a little bit, “We’ll still check the basement thoroughly on our way back to the stairs. But we should be fine.”

                “Okay,” Josh sighed, relieved. They made their (slow) way back to the stairs. But as soon as Josh saw it, he froze, gun up.

                “What is it?” Mike asked, looking around for a wendigo immediately, not seeing what was wrong. Josh pointed with his gun.

                “I didn’t put our bags at the bottom of the stairs,” he said softly. Mike tensed up immediately and his eyes widened.

                “Fuck,” he whispered.

                “Wendigo’s learn how to hunt humans right?” Josh mumble-asked not daring to move, “So they might learn to set a trap right?”

                “I don’t know….” Mike whispered, “Just don’t move.”

                Josh could feel panic flaring and he knew that he’d start shaking at any minute.

                Then two skinny reached for Mike’s sides.

                “AHH!” Mike screamed as somebody tickled him, he spun around to be met by a laughing Jessica and Matt.

                “Who knew you had such a ladylike scream Michael?” Jess laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh you're still reading this? Good I hope you like it!


	4. Not Our Boys

Sam and Ashley stretched in the sun. Ashley felt the warmest she had since before the mountain and Sam was at peace. Josh’s parents were wonderful and fun, making sure that Ashely and Samantha had the best time.

There was only one thing that bothered Sam about the whole situation. Mike wasn’t answering her texts. Other than the refueling one, she had texted him several times and all of them went unanswered. But Mike would tell her if he needed help or if there were problems, and the voicemail hadn’t changed any. So Sam shook off the foreboding feeling that she should be with the boys right now. This vacation was about Ashley.

Sam smile as she put on her bathing suit. Behind her, Ashley was putting on what practically equaled a diving suit, but just for swimming. Ash was thrilled and kept kissing Sam excitedly. Ash grabbed her hands as Sam was trying to clasp her swimsuit behind her neck. Ashley folded Sam’s arms across the girl’s chest and hugged her.

“I want Josh’s parents to adopt me,” Ash smiled, kissing Sam’s cheek before clasping her swimsuit for her, “Then we could live in Hawaii all the time and it would be so warm!”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Sam laughed, turning to face Ashley, “But I think your dad would miss you too much.” Ashley fake pouted before her face broke into a wide smile.

“It’s such a shame that the boys didn’t come with us, we would have had so much fun!” She said, practically skipping over to where she had her shoes and a sweatshirt. Sam smiled too.

“Yeah, but they probably thought they’d take the opportunity of our absence to get in all kinds of trouble,” Sam laughed. Ashley giggled in response.

“Nah, not our boys.”

\-----------

Josh’s gun was shaking in response to Jess and Matt’s surprise appearance. He’d lowered it some so it wasn’t pointing at Jessica’s head, but he kept his finger on the trigger. Mike was shocked slightly speechless to see his presumed dead girlfriend and his dead ex-girlfriend’s presumed dead boyfriend.

“Mike,” Josh murmured when Mike wouldn’t respond. He didn’t let his eyes leave Jess and Matt but he let one hand wander over to Mike’s arm. Mike grabbed Josh’s hand like it was a lifeline.

“You’re alive?” Mike finally said, once he’d recovered enough that his voice wouldn’t shake.

“Yup!” Jess smiled, swinging her arms at her side like she was a little girl. Matt smirked a bit at Mike’s reaction and Josh took a moment to look over the two. Jess had a nasty looking scar across her cheek and forehead, and scars could be seen on her chest; her hair was cut off short and ragged, and she had grime all over her face and skinnier arms. Matt had a cut on his cheek that looked like it had just stopped bleeding recently, his hair had grown out some, one eye was slightly swollen, and his shirt was ripped and bloody. Well, the overall state of both of theirs clothes was ripped, bloody, and filthy.

“Chris?” Mike asked, squeezing Josh hand comfortingly, or perhaps in need of comfort.

“Well, he was alive when we split up this morning,” Matt answered nonchalantly. Josh could feel Mike’s burning gaze on him and squeezed Mike’s hand back, finally lowering his gun all the way.

“How many are there?” Josh suddenly asked, putting his gun in its holster.

“People or wendigoes?” Jess asked in reply. Mike suddenly realized that Matt had one of those flame throwers that the Stranger had had, and that Jess had an old shotgun and a machete.

“Wendigoes,” Josh clarified, looking behind him as he asked, as if he expected one to be right there.

“They haven’t grown in numbers but we’ve been working on a containment system and in tagging them so that we can count them, they all just look so alike,” Matt answered, Jess looked at him and nodded.

“So far we’ve successfully tagged eighteen,” she added easily, “the containment is the tougher part, because they’re extremely strong creatures and the supplies on this mountain is limited.”

“What can we do to help?” Josh asked before Mike could say anything. Josh turned back to their bags, “We’ve got some supplies, but they’re mostly survival stuff or weapons.” He opened one of the duffle bags.

“Woah woah, Josh,” Mike interrupted what Jess was going to start saying, moving to Josh’s side, “You aren’t staying here to help.”

“To Hell I’m not,” Josh retorted, Mike put his hand on Josh’s shoulder.

“Josh,” he started to say, Josh shrugged Mike’s hand off his shoulder.

“We need to help,” he said, but even as he tried to keep his voice and eyes strong, his breathing was becoming rapid. Mike shook his head.

“You can’t stay on this mountain Josh, it’ll be hell for you.”

“And it’s not for them?” Josh pointed back and Matt and Jess who were watching the exchange silently, “They’re my friends, and this was all my fault in the first place! I’m the reason they’re here! You can go home to the girls but I’m staying here, at least for a while.” Josh could feel himself falling apart again, his breathing was becoming ragged, but he was more determined to do this than his body was in deterring him. Mike grabbed him by the shoulders and manhandled him to standing up straight, then pushed him back into a wall, hands firm on Josh’s arms.

“Breathe,” was Mike’s simple command. Josh obeyed immediately and followed Mike’s chest with his eyes, breathing in sync until he was doing it naturally. Jess raised an eyebrow and grabbed Matt’s hand to hold.

“Mike, we have to help,” Josh said softly once he was breathing more or less normally. Mike looked into Josh’s eyes, his own were full of a tumult of emotions.

“Think about the girls,” was Mike’s last argument, “What will they do without us?”

“My parents will take care of them,” Josh answered, “You know that I hate to leave the girls like this Mike, but it’s the right thing to do.”

“What about me?” Mike pleaded, “What if you die? What will _I_ do without you?”

“Go home and be better off,” Josh said, looking away from Mike. Mike bit his lip, forgetting about his presumed dead girlfriend, he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Josh’s lips. Both of Jess’s eyebrows shot up, and so did Matt’s.

“I don’t blame you and I love you,” Mike whispered. Josh had trouble looking Mike in the eye.

“I don’t blame you either and I love you too,” he recited, finally looking back at Mike.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself either,” Mike kissed Josh again, remembering Jess but deciding that Josh was more important, “and you don’t have to do this to make up for the past. The past is in the past.”

“Then I’ll do it for the present. Mike, they need us,” Josh whispered back. Mike pressed their lips together for one last kiss before pulling away and nodding.

“Yeah, they probably do,” he smiled. Finally he turned back to Jess and Matt, holding Josh’s hand, “Alright, what do you guys need help with?”

“Do you have food and medical supplies? We’re low on both,” Matt said, getting over what just occurred quicker than Jess.

“We have both in abundance,” Josh answered, gesturing to the bags.

“Good,” Jess finally spoke up, “Chris cut his leg two days ago and it needs some attention, and we’ve barely eaten the past few days.”

“Well, we can help with that,” Mike said, picking up some of the bags, “Where are you guys staying?”

Jess and Matt smiled at each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIGHT Hi.   
> So I'm going to put up another chapter just right after this so I'm not going to say that much here.


	5. Worse for Wear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for feels.

They were staying in the cabin that Jess had been dragged out of, all the windows boarded up and the doors fortified. There were a few blankets on the couch and a fire going in the fireplace, it was warm.

“The week before the party, I had come up the mountain,” Josh whispered, looking around the cabin, “I remember making sure that everything was working in here, water, electricity, everything. I made sure that the mattress was decent and that there were plenty of blankets. I even put beer in the fridge, assuming that Mike would probably want to take somebody out of the way for some romance. Or thinking that maybe the Girls would want some alone time. I never thought it would be used for this.” He smiled grimly.

“And we’re grateful for it,” Matt smiled, “The things you did with this cabin beforehand has helped us out a lot since we made this our base.” He walked over to the fridge, “We would have appreciated more beer though.” Jessica laughed and stripped off her ripped coat before grabbing Matt’s hand.

“Yeah, that would have been helpful to dull pain some,” She raised an eyebrow and smirked over at Mike and Josh. Josh slowly took off his jacket and dropped it on top of the bags on the floor. Mike’s eyes looked glazed over and Josh took his hand and mumbled to him to breathe.

“Alright, so….” Josh trailed off, looking over at the far doorway where a figure stood. Josh’s face went devoid of emotion and he dropped Mike’s hand, “Hey Chris.” Matt and Jess turned to look behind them.

“Chris, I thought you were going to the Sanitorium today,” Jess said, quickly giving him a hug. Chris hugged her, but not breaking eye contact with Josh.

“I did, I came back early because my leg was hurting too much,” Chris said before limping forward, “Hi Josh, Mike.”

Mike snatched up Josh’s hand and pulled it to his chest. Josh immediately turned away from the others to face Mike, “I’m okay. Are you okay? I’m okay. It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay.” Mike shook his head, his eyes finally leaving Chris to turn down to Josh.

“I need you,” he mumbled, his eyes darting up to Chris before returning to Josh’s. Josh grabbed his other hand and squeezed them.

“You’ve got what you need then,” he replied easily. His heart, his fear, his insanity, begged him to panic in the face of Chris, but Mike needed him. Mike shook his head again, his eyes shone with a strange sort fear that Josh wasn't used to. “Mike, please,” Josh said pleadingly, “I need you to stay with me for this. I need you to be strong. Breath with me, Mike.” Josh forced his breathing into a deep rhythm, knowing that this would help him as much as it might help Mike.

He didn't know what set Mike off though. Was it Chris? Was it being in this Cabin, where Mike's world had begun crumbling? He just knew that if Mike lost it that it would be hard for Josh to survive it.

“Is Mike okay?” asked Matt, walking over and putting a hand on Josh's shoulder. Mike reacted more to Matt's gesture than anything else that was happening, pulling Josh away from Matt and behind his body. Mike had a gun out and pointed at Matt before anybody but Josh could register what was happening. Josh, for one, cursed loudly and took Mike to the ground.

He was straddling Mike, with Mike's wrists pinned to the ground. And he was shaking his head trying to keep his mind clear. “Mike, calm down, you're with me.” Josh said steadily, his voice was a lot more assertive and calm than Josh felt. Mike's eyes were wide and he shook his head violently.

“Josh you gotta get out of here!” Mike was screaming, “They'll kill you! They're Wendigos! You have to get outta here!” He threw Josh off of him and went to aim his gun at Matt again, but Josh immediately tackled him once more. A shot went off, missing Matt by a long shot and hitting the ceiling.

“Mike listen to me. It's safe! Matt isn't a Wendigo!” Josh shouted as he struggled, his head was pounding and his chest felt restricted but he had to hold on. Josh had his ankles hooked around Mike's thighs and had Mike's arms pinned across his chest this time, “It's just your PTSD acting up Mike! Matt is human!” Mike still struggled, his eyes wild, but his struggling was significantly less than before. Mike furrowed his brow at Josh.

“But... the Wendigos?” Mike asked desperately, blinking at Josh.

“Look again. It's Matt and Chris and Jess,” Josh answered gently, “You're okay Mike. We're safe right now.” Mike blinked past Josh at the three stunned humans. He blinked more, as his head cleared some.

“Oh God,” Mike whispered, releasing a deep sigh. Josh sighed in relief and let his head fall onto Mike's chest, listening and feeling the slowing heartbeat that meant Mike's PTSD reaction was passing. Mike extracted an arm from underneath Josh and put it over his eyes, “Oh God fucking dammit, I just tried to shoot Matt.” His voice was broken, but both his and Josh's bodies were relaxing.

“Are you guys okay?” Jess asked in a quiet voice.

Mike slowly sat up, Josh moving with him. Mike looked Josh in the eye, clarity having returned to his own, “Did I hurt you?”

“I may get a bruise from how hard you shoved me off of you, but I'm fine,” Josh answered honestly, “I'm more concerned about you, you haven't had a reaction like that in nearly eight months.” Josh stood and extended his shaking hand to Mike. Mike closed his eyes and took it. Josh pulled him up.

“I don't know, maybe it all just built up,” he said quietly, “Are you sure you're okay? You aren't gonna panic are you?” Josh just smiled emptily and turned to the others.

“Are you all okay? Mike's shot didn't hit any of you did it?” Josh asked, keeping Mike's hand in his own. Chris looked slightly taken aback, but shook it off.

“We're good,” Chris said gruffly, he turned towards the kitchen portion of the cabin. Away from Josh. Josh bit his lip and felt his chest constrict. His eyes were empty of tears, but he felt the need to cry. His lungs pushed against his ribs and he let out a quakey breath.

“Josh?” Matt questioned, not as eager to get physically involved as he had been, now that Mike's tried to shoot them. Mike started to squeeze Josh's hand, but found it being pulled out of his grasp. Josh let out another quakey breath and walked unsteadily to their bags, his gaze was slightyl spaced.

“I... I brought food, and medical supplies, and weapons,” Josh said softly, he didn't look at any of them. Suddenly... Josh felt angry. He spun on his heel and took in the group observing him, Chris was observing him out of the corner of his eyes. He marched over to Chris and yanked him around to face him. “I thought you were dead. I thought... I thought I had killed you!” his voice was reaching a tone of insanity, “I _believed_ that I was responsible for _all of yours deaths_!” Josh's voice got louder and more hysterical, “And _as soon_ as I heard that there was possibly survivors up here, I made Mike take me up here. So that I could find _you_!” Josh backed away all of a sudden, releasing Chris. His eyes were wide, as if shocked. He looked down at his hands and then looked around him.

“Josh-,” Mike stepped forward and grabbed Josh's shoulder. Josh just shrugged out of it and looked at Mike like he'd burned him.

“You are all dead,” Josh said softly, “This must be a dream. One of my delusions right? We're home, right Mike? We can't actually be here, this can't be real can it?” Josh backed up into a corner of the room and slid down the wall. His eyes were clear, though his actions were crazy. Josh smiled to himself, “Ah yes,” he whispered, “delusions, the doctor said that these happen to me sometimes. I'm probably still at home. Ashley and Sam are trying to get me to snap out of it and you,” Josh looked up at Mike, “You must be gone. You must have....” but then his face flickered to an expression of confusion, “but.... what if home is the delusion..... what if....?” Josh trailed off, looking off into the middle distance in a spaced out gaze.

Mike finally moved again, just going to one of their bags and pulled out a bottle of pills. He poured a capsule into his palm and walked calmly over to Josh. Josh just opened his palm blankly when Mike was standing over him and Mike dropped the pill into his hand. Josh took it without changing hardly anything about his expression or position.

Mike turned to the others with a serious expression on his face, “Josh suffers from ADHD, ADD, and bi-polar tendencies; worsening PTSD and paranoia, mania attacks, emotional trauma, and extreme insomnia,” he explained softly, “What you just observed was an extreme mania attack. During his mania attacks, Josh knows the difference between reality and insanity, he just can't tell which part he's in. He can sometimes be violent, other times docile; sometimes he gets suicidal, and sometimes he'll have a whole conversation with Hannah or Beth, or Chris and blatantly say that they don't actually exist but they're the only people he knows. The only way to snap him out of a mania attack is to wait until he's completely spaced out and has stopped any interaction and then give him these pills. They put him to sleep and when he wakes up he's back to normal. You can also just knock him out if he's extremely violent and you can't get him to calm down.”

“What triggered it?” Chris asked, looking concerned.

“It usually starts as a panic attack that he's holding back,” Mike said, “The mania attack could have actually started during my PTSD episode. And then the high emotions moment where he was talking to you probably gave the finally push to send him over the edge.”

Looking back at Josh, Mike saw his eyes closed.

“How long has this been happening?” Chris walked over to Josh and knelt, brushing a curl out of Josh's face.

“Ever since we got off the mountain. They stoppped for long enough for his parents to get him out of the mental hospital and put him with us,” Mike answered softly, “Losing you.... after what we experienced on the mountain, knowing that you didn't make it out.... Josh couldn't take it. They put all of us in there at first, thinking we'd all gone crazy. Eventually, starting with me, they released us. They were about to release Josh but then he tried to commit suicide. Nearly succeeded too,” Mike's voice was low and sad, “But he survived it and went completely mute for a while. It was a significant amount of time until they released him. And when they did.... he's tried to kill himself a total of 10 times and tried to kill his parents twice in a bout of insanity. Only the little family sort of thing that Ash, Sam, and I have made for him has helped. He's only tried to kill us once.”

Chris had started crying and bowed his head to hide the tears, “If only I'd let him know I was okay.” He mumbled.

“He's gotten better recently. And when he heard that there was a chance you were alive.... I could almost recognize a bit of the old Josh. He hasn't had this much energy since before the mountain.”

They let Josh sleep and Chris never left his side.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for that chapter. I'm sorry for the feels. And I'm sorry that I don't know what the real OTP of this story is. Any input?  
> Also Poll:  
> Should Emily be Alive or Not?  
> And Should Sam and Ashley find out?


End file.
